Hi Paul, I have read the first ten pages of this. The format isn't great, I noticed that in 'Before Your Eyes' the format is better. Have you got any screenwriting software? It would make your screenplay easier to read and review. At the moment you have very big blocks of description that you might want to look at trimming down. It may help the flow of the story, because at the moment it reads like a cross between a short story and a screenplay. I like the look of the story from the synopsis, but at the moment it's a bit hard to read. These are just my initial thoughts, I will read the rest, but just wondered if this is a work in progress?
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