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by Hina Pandya

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A strong story
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I love the story itself.  The concept is strong.  I like the way the author introduces the storyline.  For me, the most important aspect of a project is the story itself and whether or not it engages and/or entertains the reader.  This story does - I love the idea.  

I agree with the first reviewer, however, that the style is distracting. Switching between first, second and third person challenges the flow of the story  - I think it would be stronger if it picked one.  But overall, I loved the concept.  It might be a good idea to change that and give it a thorough spell check.

There is no dialogue so I am never sure how to review that.  I think it would make more sense to have a review system on Circalit that allowed the review to be submitted without any reference to dialogue.

A strong start - I liked it.

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    • Hina Pandya

    • 2012-08-01 12:37:43
    • Thanks so much for your review, it is really helpful. As for the style, as you know I did that deliberately. I felt this way it helps the piece have more impact rather than using the one voice. Also with the dialogue, I agree, but perhaps in this piece the section at the end could be considered dialogue with herself? Thanks for the heads up on the spell check!! Thank-you also for taking the time to review the piece.

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