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Ten Year

by alysandra

Logline

A man on the train enters the philosophical theory of alcoholism.

Type: Short

Genre: Character,

Synopsis

A ten year ex-alcoholic talks pompously about his addiction as he challenges himself with the memories of his habit.

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    • alysandra

    • 2011-08-14 12:27:44
    • Hi. Thank you so much for the feedback. This was a piece I wrote in my first year, as an introduction to formatting and have not properly looked at it since. I see I have a lot of formatting issues, which I am now trying to address. Expect a new draft soon with these changes. The issues of naming was that I wanted it to seem like Emily was the man's niece, an ironic twist. I can see why this may be confusing and I will perhaps add additional scenes in my second draft to make this link a little clearer.
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    • jayrex

    • 2011-08-04 22:58:59
    • Hello Nicole, I see you've finished a three year course in creative writing. I'm a little shocked at the result of this screenplay. This is why I'm not reviewing this. I thought this was your first ever script. Probably not. Have you reread this script? Download Celtx. It's a free screenwriting program that will help with your formatting issues. Not sure if you've read a book on screenwriting or read a script. But you've made a lot of technical errors. First off. Start with a slug/scene-heading. It should look like this: INT. TRAIN - DAY Or if it's outside EXT. PLATFORM - NIGHT Introduce your characters in capitals. The rest of the time write in lower case. The parenthesis () should be underneath the character's name. Celtx will fix this for you. You provide a character name for Emily and not for the Man. They are both basically strangers. So the audience isn't going to see her as the main character. So name them both. Also, Emily doesn't ever mention her name to the Man. So, how could he know to say it on page 3? Delete the continues. Add more description. I suppose it may be hard for on a train journey. But it adds depth to the script. And you shouldn't write Fade Out. When you haven't written FADE OUT: You also need to use a full-stop. You missed this out a few times. And on page 2 you wrote 'no' instead of 'know'. All the best with any potential rewrites. Javier

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