This proposal defines a discreet set of characters and their circumstances but does not present an holistic or larger storyworld beyond those characters. The project might be viable as a storyline for a feature film or perhaps TV series but it's lack of detail about the larger pressures forces and macro-level dramatics of the world or some underlying concept that governs the storyworld, make it a weak proposal. I would encourage the author to step back from the characters and plot-line and focus on articulating a unique and specific world, fuelled by natural dramatic pressures, forces and dilemmas that effect a community and society of people and characters rather just a specific family
Feedback from the Immersive Writing Lab Competition organisers.
This is a short extract of the full feedback paper. To obtain a copy of the full feedback coverage the author should email julian(at)portalentertainment.co.uk and the complete document will be forwarded to you offline.