Dreamboy

Thanks for sharing your project, Annabel. I like the title and especially the clean, crisp writing. The tone is quite poetic. I would welcome seeing how you develop the Aries character. You give the reader a solid sense of who she is although I am not entirely persuaded a woman/girl in biker boots would throw back a drink to be allowed into a party space. She would at least say something that lets us know who she is. The rolling eyes almost gets us there, but is there something she could say? Otherwise great job! Oh, when you do the dialogue, it should still be in blocks not centered in a stacked way as is the case outside screenplays. Then again, visually it added to the other-world quality of the piece.