An Orgy May Ensue

This is an original concept that I can't recall ever having seen done before. It's a great idea and would make a nice short. The formatting and wriring style looks good to me too. A few observations: I didn't buy into the girls assuming that Jason was a peodophile. It seemed a very odd shared assumption based on Jason saying he'd been busy. What if Toma himself said something to the girls that he thought was perfectly inoccent but that the girls (and the audience) interpreted differently? I thought the moment when Toma meets Mr Burn was a little rushed. This was the big emotional moment and could have played out a little longer, maybe with Toma asking him questions to make sure he's got the right man this time and Burn getting more emotional each time he answers? The character of the officer felt a little flat compared to the other, more rounded, characters. I know he's a minor character but he seemed like a good opportunity to inject some addidtion laughs into the script. Like he could have been some swivel-eyed, Daily Mail reading loon, desperate to bust Jason even with all evidence supporting his innocence. The revelation that Toma (Wrongly believes) that he is Jason's inner child came very suddenly and with no foreshadowing. Would that have been the first thing that Toma said to Jason. Wouldn'#t he identify himself? Obviously you don't want to give away to much but I thought add a few early clues that Toma is Jason. Something that the audience could look back on. (Think Fight Club, where if you watch it again it becomes clear that the two leads were the same person (apologies for the spoiler) you could never have worked it out in the first viewing. One last suggestion, I thought you could gradually and more clearly crank up Jason's exasperation as the story proceeds. I know that at the beginning he is all relaxed and then gets agitated once Toma arrives but his exasperation doesn't really escalte from there. It should peak with the Officer arriving not with Toma enetering his flat for the first time. I really liked this. It's a fine idea. Cheers David