Mr Blackwell

Overall - While I am not aware of the music the titles of the song seem to translate nicely with what is happening in the screenplay, so I am sure the words would go along nicely. Overall a fun screenplay that would be fun for children to watch. The only issue I have is that your writing style is a little off at the moment. It needs to have a re-write so that spelling and grammer can be sorted and less exposition with the dialogue.

Dialogue - Mostly this is fine. It is children friendly and funny (especially Mort...Morpheus). However there are a couple of points where you could cut the dialogue for action. As an example the line where Mr Blackwell talks about calling the police, but first I need to drink a smoothie. That line is a little forced and instead could be explained that he storms back to his kitchen, complains about the kids and calling the police and then takes a sip of his smoothie...colour starts to return to his cheeks, he starts to gulp more, splattering the green sludge as he thirsts for more... (or something like that).

Character - Again the characters are fun. Personally didn't like the name Ace but as names are hardly mentioned by the characters this is not a problem. On that though, perhaps you should get the names in there so people can get to know them. One other point is Paul. Everyone seems to shudder at Paul taking a risk in going to Mr Blackwells house. Why? What is wrong with Paul? Perhaps something should be said about him being weak or whatever his handicap is so that when we starts the mission we can urge him on and want to see him overcome the odds and succeed.

Style - This has a few spelling and grammer mistakes. Along with the issues mentioned in the Dialogue and Character sections, this makes the screenplay less enjoyable. However, this can be easily sorted on re-writes and as you can see from other reviews, if you tell me when you have done a re-writes I will return and adjust these scores accordingly. One thing you may not pick up on, which I used to do is to finish dialogue with things like !? or !?!. It can't be both an exlamation and a question so pick one or the other. I know what you are trying to say, but it goes against the conventions.

Concept - I like the idea. It is simple, child friendly and has the musical thing going which is different in itself. As a standalone piece it perhaps suffers from not offering enough, but part of a larger piece it could work really well. Could be like a geeky, child friendly, glee :-). What I would like to see is a little more danger or a little more emphasis on the characters to build the story. I like the mission impossible plan for the mission from Morty but I would like a little more mission impossible danger.

Overall I like it and would be happy to read any re-writes you do.

JD