The news is not good, I'm afraid. I'm going to have to take your word for it that you "tell great stories", because I couldn't get past page 7. By page 7 the only things that have actually happened in your story are that Sena has visited the Dean and seen some guys playing basketball. ALL the rest is happening in her head, or inside someone else's head--in other words, exposition. Nothing's happening.
I suggest you go back to basics. Learn to distinguish between action and backstory and make sure your story contains enough of the former at the start to hook the reader.
There are lots of formal issues, too. For example, pick a tense and stick to it. You constantly move between past and present, sometimes changing tense several times in a single sentence.
Learn what 'overwriting' is, notice when you're doing it, and discover how to avoid it.
And while you're doing this, take the time to develop your vocabulary and learn exactly what words mean. Words like 'bereft' and 'surmise', to take just two examples, need to be used correctly. Use your dictionary whenever you're in doubt.
I have no doubt that one day you will tell much better stories than this. You'll get there a lot faster with lots of study and practice. I wish you the very best of luck.
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