I didn't really want to get into a discussion on rascist language but I do feel that as I am being corrected on the subject I must explain the, so called offending sentence.
I do feel that using "Foreign Westerner" as a comparison is - in my opinion - rediculous. And to compare it with the term "gaijin" (which you have spelt "gajin") as even more preposterous.
Firstly Asia is a continent and so therefore is a definite place, with many, many different nationalities and so it's acceptable - if you don't know the persons exact country of origin - to call them Asian. You can't compare it with calling someone a "Foreign Westerner". Only because "Foreign Westerner" doesn't make sense. Not of course because it's racsist but because it's meaningless. If you called somebody a "Westerner" and you where say, in Iran, you wouldn't have to qualify it with the word "Foreign" because "Westerner" would mean "Foreigner". I can't see that it would be deemed rascist or offensive in any way. Equally "gaijin" just means foreigner and isn't rascist unless used in a derogatory manner.
The problem with society today is that we see rascism at every turn. And the people who shout most about it are more rascist than anybody. If you want to look so deeply into things then all language will become rascist, sexist, ageist. Just because we put a label somebody, it doesn't mean we're being prejudice. If that were the case we wouldn't be able to write a single word or indeed make movies or television programs for fear of offending someone. We have to be allowed to paint pictures with our words and I agree, we have to be vigilant of the influence those words might have, but calling someone an "Asian shopkeeper" cannot, in any way, shape-or-form be classed as rascist.
Okay Robert, I haven't done a review on your screenplay because there's not enough to review and I don't want to do a poor job on something that will improve. First of all I'm not that great on screenplays myself so my advice is limited. However, I can see a number of significant flaws in your project. The first thing is, it's far too short for seioous critique.
The next thing is that you appear to be explaining to much. Things like, "The once beautiful city..." you've already mentioned the date earlier on in the scene heading so the director will know what the city looked like at that time, or "as we watch" well of course as we watch, we'er sitting watching a movie. I don't think you need to parenthisis accents, again the director will know Confederate soldiers had southern American accents. You don't have to tell the director what to do. Don't write times or dusk. Just write day or night. You're trying to write the script like a book or short story. You should put yourself in the veiwers position and remember they know nothing. They only know whats going to be shown to them on the screen. So don't explain things they won't be able to see,, how can the audience possibly know Ned Tucker's writing a letter to his wife if they can't see it. This also negates any reason to mention his wifes name. All your ideas - as the writer should be - as much as possible, be conveyed through the dialogue and let the director deal with the scenery. Having said that Robert I think the idea is good and I can see alot of potential. Please don't think I'm having a go I'm not, I want to help if I can, so just let me know. I think the idea in scriptwriting is kis. Keep it simple. Let me know what you think. Regards Paul.
Hello Robert, thank you for your comment. I would be delighted to head your work. I am a professional reviewer here on Circalit, so if you would like my feedback, you need to purchase this option on the right of my home page. Look forward to hearing from you, best, Pria