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Pizza Delivery

by carlj

Logline

Average kid goes to college and gets a job delivering pizzas to crazy people to pay for those expensive books and fees.

Type: Teleplay

Genre: Romantic Comedy, Action,

Synopsis

James Kohl, average kid, goes off to LSU to attend college. He has a scholarship to pay for tuition but quickly realizes that books are a lot more than he and his father anticipated. Needing money quicky before he falls behind in his studies, James gets a job at the local college pizzeria, delivering. James is introduced to the wild tactics his fellow cohorts use in order to obtain tips. This episode James meets: his roommate, Marcus, a bookstore alternative girl, Beth, the beautiful Melinda and her boyfriend Chip, Romeo of Romeo's Pizza, and the crazy driving delivery guys, Kevin and Julio.

Conversations

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    • Tabitha Baumander

    • 2010-06-02 20:42:47
    • Reading the concept I do think this might work as a half hour sit com though I think the scripts for those are 22 minutes. You'd have to look that up. TV writing is a very diciplined venue without a lot of wiggle room.
  • Avatar Image

    • carlj

    • 2010-03-22 13:33:01
    • Also the only problem with the dad beign a hardass is other episodes where he is generous and just a traditional figure more than a hardass.
  • Avatar Image

    • carlj

    • 2010-03-21 16:40:21
    • I thought about your idea about the begining with the car thing, but I wanted to build up to the pizza delivery. Yea the books part being there for a pursuit of job and also being a bases for a realism of college kids. I like your thoughts about the heavy class load thing and the father being a hard-ass. The math book talk is there to help set up Beth's viewpoint on life and corporate greed and all that sorta stuff. But thanks for your comments they will surely help.
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    • ajrscreenworks

    • 2010-03-21 15:07:59
    • Thanks carlj - looking forward to your comments... So I finished episode one. I think you can do two, maybe three things, to make this better. One, I would amp up the drama. As it stands now, I'm not sure that being a couple hundred short on books is all that much of a crisis, though I realize it leads to James getting his job and that's where the oddball characters come in. Maybe make James stressed out at the prospect of carrying such a heavy class load (he is a physics major, after all) AND having to work? And make the old man more of a hard-ass about James having to pay his own way? This way there's much more tension in the initial premise. Second thing I would do is get to the pizza place faster, because this is where you have your best moments. This is just a suggestion, and more of a personal taste because I like to do non-linear things in my stuff, but maybe start off with James freaking out while driving with Kevin, and then flash back to the events of the previous days? This way you hit the reader with your best shot and blast them into the story. The third thing I would do is try to cut this down to about 23-26 pages. I don't know for what outlet you intend this, but if it's for television you have to allow for commercials, so 26 pages = 26 minutes - perfect length. I think there are places, in the narrative and maybe in some of the dialogue (and maybe cut some wrylies?), where you can save - for instance, maybe not give the reader SO much about the price of the books and how the math ones have new versions, etc.? I'll get to episode two during the week - keep it up and I hope these comments help - Anthony
  • Avatar Image

    • carlj

    • 2010-03-21 13:13:53
    • Yea sure Anthony. I will read it Monday at work. I am editing some footage I made over the weekend and doing a little writing.

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