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Reviews written by Dawn Chapman

  • This is easy to follow especially at the beginning. No dialogue tags, and I thought it would be hard. But it was a nice read. 

    I liked the tone of it, even though the narrator had d... Read More

  • I like the idea and the synopsis. Just not so sure your first 6 pages are the best they can be. (as I can only read 6 it is hard to say what the rest of the script will be like) 

    Fi... Read More

  • Hi there thanks for posting this. 

     

    I have read it a couple of times and really laughed at parts. Well done, it takes a lot to get me to laugh. 

     <... Read More

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    Hi Claire, 

    Thanks for letting me see this, I've known you a while, love your style and writing. : ) and I believe that I might have a little to offer bein... Read More

  • I really enjoyed this, it is fast paced fun. Comedy moments galore. Jiffy is like such a nice funny guy with the right vehicle, then all of a sudden its like a switch is flicked on and he changes... Read More

  • Hi there, I saw this thought I'd take some time to comment on it. 

    I think you have a slightly different take on  vampires. However it does get lost in the script translati... Read More

  • Hi there, 

     

    I stopped by and took a read of this. I don't mind some comedy although it has to be pretty good to get me to laugh. And I have to admit you did. ... Read More

  • Hi Tom, 

     

    Didn't know  if I would get to stop by, but seeing as I needed a break, thought I would take a look a look at this.  

    Happy to s... Read More

  • I really enjoyed the concept here and the two main character intereacted okay, but there wasn't enough of it for me. There was a lot of world building and as I said was pretty complex. I do b... Read More

  •  Hi there, 

     

    I have to be honest here, I didn't enjoy this as much as the premise. I found the first person narrative a little restrictive in describing even... Read More

  • You have a  great style,  an understanding of script writing that most people don't get. I know you state its a final  draft, really... we never really know when to stop tinker... Read More

  • Hi there, so took a read of this. I found your writing voice really easy to get into. I just wished there was more of it. Didn't quite sit as a short story for me, as there was so much more to exp... Read More

  • I have to say when I read this through, I did sort of expect what the guys were going to be put through. I actually think there is a film of similar concept, but I can't quite put a name on it. Ma... Read More

  • Hi there, I've been following this on your blog, and I have to admit I love it. Chik lit isn't really my thing, but I couldn't help but get hooked into Suzie's life up in the air, and I can't ... Read More

  • Okay, so here are some thoughts on your opening pages. I will write and edit the review as I go along, just so you know. It takes a lot to read a whole script and my notes will be as I read. Pleas... Read More

  • Ok so here are some thoughts on your script. I know there were two writers so I can’t tell which is which style wise. But we’ll see how the read goes. Use what you can and chuck the rest. ... Read More

  • Hi there, I read this and thought is was a great little short. Some tiny pointers for you would be to get rid of the 'ing' words and also some 'ly' words. 'sitting' should be sits etc It w... Read More

  • Marina, I commend you for trying to write in a language which isn't your own. As a play this would work out a bit easier than a script. But the dialogue would need a native speaker to help you o... Read More

  • Hey there, so thanks for the review. Here are some thoughts on this short of yours. I found your writing good. There are some slight ways you might make it better. Because there are some th... Read More

  • So here are some thoughts on your short script. I do prefer sci fi things and this one hit the mark for me. I thought the main character 'the mad scientist' was a little stereotypical, and tho... Read More

  • Wow, what can I say really. But that this is an amazing little short. There might be no dialogue. But everything is said in the subtext. The way Ruby enters the toilet, flushes the ring. It is just pe... Read More

  • For an example of how to cut down action descriptions. First action line. You write… A serene view of an empty motorway in the early hours, the road lights meandering into the distance. ... Read More

  • Hi Sam, Read this before, but took another quick read through. I did enjoy it the first time. Some ways to improve, and I do know I've pointed out a few before (hint hint) but don't worry even... Read More

  • I have to admit I like this one better than the other. Are you allowed to put in more than one. I only ask because with other comps there was only one entry per person. However, this was a better ... Read More

  • Yeah read this because I love sci fi. I found not much wrong, presentation and formatting are really good. However, in my mind it just doesn't make a full story within itself. What you have is... Read More

  • Hi there, so saw this floating around, here are my thoughts. I always check out the person I am reviewing and the script properly. You are a student film maker, have they only taught you about fil... Read More

  • Hi there, So here are some thoughts on these 30 pages. Having followed the script from various other sites, I know it well. But refreshing myself has been a pleasure this afternoon. Charac... Read More

  • Hi there, I enjoyed this, very quick to read through. I felt and cared for the main character, although does he have a name? Other observations, you tend to put your commas etc in dialogue aft... Read More

  • Hey there. Just having a reading day, thought I’d catch up on some friends scripts. Please feel free to take anything or use it, this is just my honest opinion. Page 1, I’m confused a... Read More

  • Hey there, so here are some thoughts on your script. Please feel free to take anything or use it, this is just my honest opinion. First off I have to mention your title page and the fact you s... Read More

  • Okay, so here are my thoughts on your script. Just of course my opinions. Based on what I’ve been taught as a writer over in the UK. First things first. I actually have a good friend who goes by... Read More

  • Hi there, so seeing as this was at number one. Thought I would take some time to read through it. I have to admit I was expecting it to be of a better quality in its presentation. The formatting f... Read More

  • I have to admit I do love a good horror story. What you've managed to do was entice me in and keep me hooked. The painting really is haunted and looking for prey is very good. Your word choices de... Read More

  • Page 1, Most scripts start with FADE IN. Left. I have to say this now because there are far too many ‘camera angles and pov’ in here, are you filming this yourself? If you are don’t w... Read More

  • I have to admit. I was feeling really sorry for Sedona. Going through all she did as a young woman, to be scared for life by her own father. I was torn by the twist that she killed Adam. But it wa... Read More

  • Wow, I have to admit that this has some amazing ideas in here. For a short story/assignment this was good. Written from a 'younger' age. As in the 'yep' etc and sort of language I see in texts, fa... Read More

  • So I saw this and decided to take a look. On reading your synopsis, I have to think that you might need some help with spelling, typos and grammar. But I loved the idea. And I do think that you ca... Read More

  • Hi there, I have to admit that there is so much deeply embedded in here that it took some reading. But being used to using the internet a lot I did manage to grasp it in the end. I believe wha... Read More

  • Hi there, so here is my review of what you have posted. Please don’t take this to heart, it is in fact only my opinion. First off, I love scifi… so am looking forward to reading this after... Read More

  • Mark, (Ignore the stars for now. I've used them as I had to to post this review) But I will be editing it as I read more. I saw Cstreet had commented so I took a look. I have to admit I wasn't d... Read More

  • Hi there, so I can't comment on your script (Don't know why a glitch?) Anyway, so I'm here. Please don't take the rating to heart, I don't like using it, I don't think it really helps a writer, I ... Read More

  • Hey there, So I tend to make notes as I read through anything. Please take it as I mean it, to help. If I ask questions it is because I’m thinking them. If I read through it all and use the rati... Read More

  • Hey so, as usual I’ll leave some notes as I read. Hope they help you in some way or other. Use what you can, this is my opinion only. If this is a spec script, any reason why you need to state o... Read More

  • A nice short script. So I'm going to struggle to find anything really constructive to say. I did find that for a script it was a tad over written. A lot more flowery than I'm used to. Scripts are ... Read More

  • Here are some comments as I read your script. Please take them as they are intended to help not hinder. Page 1, '...lights a fire in the fireplace' would it be anywhere else? I don't think you... Read More

  • Okay, You asked for a review. Here we go…. Page 1. CAP your characters names the first time they are introduced. Jane, Johnathon and Julie…. All sound far too similar to me. I ... Read More

  • Hi there, I enjoyed this a lot. Some small notes to help if you'd like more, I can go through page by page for you. Page 1, Avoid 'begins' and also your parenthetical should be an action l... Read More

  • Emma Jayne, Might not be a good idea to have your phone number on a script. Plenty of strange people out there.... I'm not one of them honest. I've read the first ten pages. I like the premise... Read More

  • I really enjoyed this. It is one of the only scripts I've read here where I can't actually think of much to say, other than that. I really felt for the Mc when he found all those coins. But I have hea... Read More

  • Hi there, So in reading this partial of your script. I decided to leave some thoughts. I really thought you did a good job of painting a very real picture for all your characters. And although... Read More

  • Hi there, So yeah, one page isn't a lot to judge on, but I can sort of see the potential in it. If you're going to start using a VO at the beginning, you'll have to carry it on through out the scr... Read More

  • Hi there, So I've had the time to go through your script. Sci fi is a genre which I love, so you got me there before you even started. I'll not some things in my read, but others I won't. As fr... Read More

  • I have to admit, Cheryl. Your writing is great. You give just enough to hook us in, but more than enough to satisfy. Paige is a great character, who I liked right from the start. I really digged t... Read More

  • Ok so here are some thoughts on your script. I have to say I’m not a Rom-Com person. But there have been certain ones which have grown on me. Seeing as this is for the comp I thought it best to ... Read More

  • Hey there, thought I'd leave some thoughts after my read. :) I really enjoyed this, I'm sure there are areas with grammar etc that you can improve on. I'm not perfect at it myself. So all I can com... Read More