Concept: If I had to explain this I'd say "Its about parents forgetting they have an older child" but this isn't really a story. It doesn't go anywhere. Nothing is ever resolved at the end. The title ... Read More
The best scripts just tell us what we're seeing and hearing on-screen, but in your first paragraph you're telling us they've just had a hard day at work. Its not important and if you want to show this... Read More
I don't like how you're writing it as if the audience are the 5 year old. If this is the case then you need to establish if its first-person. If it isn't then the kid needs describing. This would make... Read More
The format is fine except from the scene numbers. Scripts don't require these until a director gets hold of them and wants to start shooting it. These are easy to ignore though. It is action-orientate... Read More
Character: Libby is hot so you like her straight away. She's fond of animals and sells chocolates, so there's nothing to hate there. She's friendly to customers and gets invited to a party which means... Read More
Everything is good as far as I'm concerned. I like how the charity worker is realistic and doesn't agree to split the money. I also like how he assumes Steve is a drug or alcohol addict.
If I were to... Read More
Its good. It works. But I hated the main character. Its nice to see a tragedy on here instead of another soppy happy ending.
I don't think the killer turning up at the funeral is realistic. I'd say h... Read More
I love the concept of this bottomless bag but I felt as if the main character could have spent more time experimenting instead of wandering around putting stuff in it.
I like how he cleans his room b... Read More
Character: Adorable and independent. Young so we sympathise with her. Where she lives is horrible so the outside world, no matter how harsh, feels safer.
Dialogue: Perfect. Not over-done. Perhaps the... Read More
Some spelling mistakes need correcting and the format is a tad messy. The concept is great and the characters are very funny. The dialogue feels smooth and I can imagine it on TV.
However, I didn't f... Read More
I couldn't tell if it was a joke or not.
Some bits made me laugh but other bits were just too quick to digest.
It needs formatting properly. Use free writing software if you can't afford Final Draft... Read More
This has nothing to do with your story, but I just want to let you know you can use free software like Celtx and Scripped so you don't get the 'Final Draft 8 Demo' all over your pages.
Characters: ... Read More
... I don't think it hit the spot. It didn't make me laugh yet I read it thinking it was supposed to.
I was sceptical to begin with because its about 3 uni students, so I expected weed jokes and load... Read More
You have an eye for action and espionage. I think the main character's goal could be made a little clearer. It feels a little too much like a scene rather than a short story too.
Someone has alread... Read More