I like this story, and the tone of voice is good, but this is essentially a short story with a few ideas for images attached. Everything is told through voiceover, even when there is dialogue, it's in... Read More
I think this is an interesting idea, but I don't think it quite makes sense in it's current form. If he was stalking her, then he had the job. Maybe if she says something about him demonstrating exper... Read More
I love the speed you get with the dialogue.
I think there are two ways you could improve this a little:
1. The two characters seem too detached. It makes it hard for me to believe that a man is go... Read More
You've got a funny idea here, you've got a funny tone and style, and I like that, but I fundamentally don't like the way you've chosen to tell this story. My honest belief is that voiceover is a tired... Read More
Like this a lot. Really original idea, great ending.
I groaned when I started, as it felt like unnecessary voice over, the plague of short films, and you probably could have avoided it and still had ... Read More
I think you've managed to capture a feeling here, but you're not telling a story.
This feels indulgent, one character spewing out their idle thoughts, admittedly on theme, while we see montage after... Read More
I liked this script a lot, well done!
The characters are nicely drawn, I particularly liked the manager character, who had some fantastic dialogue for a secondary character.
My only recommendat... Read More
This takes a while to get going, there's a lot of description at the start, I'm not really bothered what they're wearing.
The structure is odd too, you're cutting back and forth seemingly just to try... Read More
This is well written and touching, but ultimately quite sad, and without any real message or purpose.
The opening scenes set things up wonderfully. I think the abusive lover is probably unnecessar... Read More
First of all, the good thing of this script is the opportunity it would afford an actress. Having the same two lines repeated throughout, but with different intensity, different emotion, can be really... Read More
I really liked the way you play with an interconnected group who communicate more by mobile than in person. I think this idea has a lot of potential, but I'm not sure you grabbed all of it.
At the... Read More