My entry for the Sci-Fi Short Story Competition is now complete. Wish me luck.
It is available here: http://www.circalit.com/michaelvank/projects/project_1330810783/
Please take the time to write me a review, as this forms part of the competition criteria, thanks.
Hi Todd, thanks for the review.
You have an interesting take that definitely has given me food for thought. It would for sure solve my problem of the flat ending. I wrote this based on a medieval French folktale which ends the same way. I wanted to see if I could make Melusine contemporary - but didn't manage to make the ending work.
That, in itself, has been a great learning experience. I've tried three different alternate endings since posting this and so far nothing speaks to me. So scrapping it and starting with my last scene as the first scene is very tempting......
However, I don't see this as a feature and I'm not sure how far I could develop it in 10 pages. But I think you made some very valid points and I'll definitely ponder more on them.
And PS - no, I'm not in Brooklyn. But I know it from when I lived in NYC and when I was looking for a funny-sounding street name for Michael to use Flatbush came to mind. It has always struck me as whimsical and pedestrian at the same time.