New Year's Luck
by cstreet
Logline
A collection of colourful characters all in search of love, laughter and a party on new years eve inadvertently collide.
Type: Feature
Genre: Drama, Rom-Com, Comedy,
Synopsis
Sally and Gina must sift through the unsightly men they encounter to find a couple of keepers. Dave and Nicole try to persevere through a blind date which rapidly deteriorates from bad to worse. Spurred on by a cutting from his stars Joe begins the search for his soul mate, unfortunately he brings Rick along whose ability to be both insensitive and insulting threaten to scupper his chances. Laura drags recently divorced Stu out for a night filled with fun, much to his dismay. Nearly everybody takes a trip to A&E. Nearly everybody ends up bickering and nearly everybody scores, but who gets what and who they're looking for?
Conversations
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olirichards
- 2011-01-09 07:16:54
- No problem. Fair enough about Dave and Nicole and the spark - and perhaps it is better to have not everything working our for everybody. In terms of the first scene I thought it was the dialogue. For me, two blokes starting on a night out on new year's eve to find girls speak in really short, sharp sentences aiming to take the piss out of the other as much as possible. A few examples are: I thought this was too much explanation: You’re carrying around a horoscope cutting in your pocket, you weirdo. Perhaps: A horoscope? So all those gay jokes turned out to be true. Mission prerogative – If someone used this phrase they would definitely have the piss taken out of them for it. This seems too polite given how well they know each other: Excuse me, I’ll have you know that my bed is rarely empty. Perhaps something like: My bed is never empty, except when we're on the floor. Or table. Or sofa. Or bath... This didn’t seem natural to me: You are a funny subject my friend. I think you can just remove it, the first sentence gets the message across. Also re-reading it makes me wonder if you should refer back to the horoscope later in the story – perhaps when Joe thinks he’s found ‘the one’ he takes out the paper and kisses, or makes a comment to Rick, or something similar. Anyway, these are just suggestions, others might think differently. Hope this helps, and if you have a chance to look at my stuff sometime that'd be great. ta, Oli
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cstreet
- 2010-11-01 19:10:49
- Ok, hacking chuncks, not sure how it's going, I wouldn't expect too much at the moment unfortunately.
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cstreet
- 2010-09-28 14:29:31
- I have amended a few of the first pages based on some of your suggestions. Nothing major but it's a start. Thanks
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cstreet