Hey dude, just given this a second read through so I could organise my mind words.
First off, I love the idea, taking notorious serial killers out of time and studying them is very very cool, but what's the purpose? I guess I want to know more about the idea ... why exactly are the Catchers rounding up the baddest of the bad in human history? You've got a great premise, but what's the core of the idea though? Are they studying these monsters so future mistakes will be rectified? What about what happens to history when they take these people out?
The dialogue was a bit on the clunky side, but a re-draft will sort that, and I don't know about having one of the main characters being Mary Kelly's descendant - I think the average reader would come across that and think 'oh yeah right' its what I like to think of as the 'As if' factor. Does she have to be Maria Kelly?
But overall its a cracking idea and the potential of the series is brill, I just want a bit more info on what kind of creature Temporal Shift is. Cool title by the way.
It is definitely in for a redraft and some character adjustments - was unsure about the Mary Kelly thing but now I know I will take another look at that - the core idea is that they are being studied and collected - the ultimate in collector's items - the worst of the very worst. There's a lot more work to be done on this. Aiming to put out a couple each week over the next few months. Glad you like it - but yes, it does need work.