This proposal demonstrates a clear sense of dramatic structuring and depicts a world with a good degree of sustainable narrative potential. However it is under-developed as an holistic storyworld project and the author does not demonstrate an informed or clear comprehension of new media platforms or the demands of immersive experiences. I would encourage the author to apply richer consideration to the world outside of a prescribed TV series concept and take a more rigorous approach to detailing the rules and pressures of the societies as well as the individual features.
Feedback from the Immersive Writing Lab Competition organisers.
This is a short extract of the full feedback paper. To obtain a copy of the full feedback coverage the author should email julian(at)portalentertainment.co.uk and the complete document will be forwarded to you offline.