Reviews

The Hunt

by haydenwas

Logline

Type: Feature

Genre: Horror, Thriller, Psychological,

Conversations

• 

  • haydenwas

  • 2010-04-14 04:56:01
  • thanks guys, will take on bored all comments start reworking it with those in mind
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  • jrherbst

  • 2010-04-13 14:22:38
  • I'm sorry, Hayden, but this is a boring read. Unfortunately, you've managed to turn a great thriller into luke-warm melodrama. Please take Mr. Robinson's comments to heart, as they will serve you well. Additionally, invest in a couple of good "style" books...both screenwriting style, and basic English Grammar. Your work is drowning in run-on scentences, spelling errors, tangled-up grammar, and a conspicuous lack of punctuation. I recommend purchasing "The Screenwritier's Bible" by David Trottier, "Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting" by Syd Field (anything by Syd Field, for that matter) and, most importantly: "The Gregg Reference Manual" by William A Sabin. These books will keep you out of trouble should you decide to submit your script to Industry Professionals. In its present state, it won't get very far. You've got a brilliant concept and a great story. Just give it more punch. Make it crackle off the page. Engage the reader and I promise you, the finished film will engage the audiance.
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  • Philip Robinson

  • 2010-04-10 11:14:04
  • Well, there's only half the screenplay here, so I can't give you a really thorough feedback. The structure is OK as far as it goes. But after page 26 it needs to move more quickly. The main problem for me was that you spend too much time in description, and write too much in the style of a novel. Also - and there were many instances of this - you explain something in description then have a character repeat it in dialogue. This makes for a difficult read and takes up page space that could be better employed. And I have to say that I found the dialogue flat and expository. I think at certain points you could have designed the action more convincingly. When they find themselves in the sea they have a conversation about where the island might be; this came off as comedic because of the situation of grave peril they are in. If you found a way to work that dialogue in earlier - perhaps between Sam and J.D. in the wheelhouse - then the crucial moment when they loose their yacht wouldn't be compromised. When we first see the house, you put in description that it resembles Arley Hall; that assumes everyone know's Arley Hall - you should describe it as though to someone who doesn't know it. This is a big visual moment. Once inside, the opposite problem occurs: way too much description of the layout of rooms etc. Despite the above, I think this a project you should stick with as it's a great story. I'd need to see the rest before I could comment further. And this leads me to my final point: at present there are too many errors in spelling, grammar and format. We all make them, especially when writing at speed, but you really need to correct them as it made the script confusing at times. Definite potential here. Good luck with it. All the best, Phil
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  • haydenwas

  • 2010-04-07 20:44:21
  • wouldnt say so much a full remake but more of an inspired story based on the short novel. i never saw the original i just based this on the story. feel free to have a read and tell me if its like the original movie or how you would class it as a remake
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  • Philip Robinson

  • 2010-04-07 12:21:22
  • like this book too… But did you know it’s already been filmed? A long while back, by Irving Pichel; screenplay by James Ashmore Creelman. Are you planning a remake?

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