The first question a reader might ask himself is - who is the audience. Here, you give us a situation - but what would make me want me to read more? I hope that doesn't seem unkind. You also fail to give us an avatar that might lure a reader into clicking the read button. As a trivial note, bit infinitive verb phrases such as 'are ..." , "is waiting ..." lack the directness of "waits ..." recommended in the active present voice of screenwriting. Perhaps more than just the situation, something about the type of waiting room and why the protagonist is there, and how the antagonist is preventing him from achieving his objective / goal would make this project irresistible to a casual viewer. ... Just a suggestion.