Office Politics - Part 2 (v2)

Hi John,

Funny stuff. I enjoyed the 8 pages lasted about 2 pages for me.

Lots of good points - like all sitcom material it focuses on the minutae of existence and rests on character for the humour. It has quite a clear plot, though I do think the story is quite thin, it is just a sketch.

As this is a draft I'll go light on the typo notes :-) I will say that it's 'wildebeest' and on page 6 you missed some words from Sean's line about wishing she would do whatever it is one does with a sex mountain.

I can see some people not buying the office comedy thing at the moment because of the huge success of 'The Office'. I think that would be  a mistake. Most of us spend half our lives dealing with office politics, so I think it's more than fair game. I've spent the entire morning in my office with tumblr's BAD LIP READING parody 'morning dew' stuck in my head and found myself periodically singing the words 'I love spastic golden toy' which is probably more than enough to get me a warning letter if I'm overheard by someone sensitive to the cause of spastics - Is that even still an English word?  I don't know, but it probably makes nosense to the people I work with who are all 2-3 times my age.

Anyway back to Sean:

Call me a huge hypocrite after doing Office Worker 231 - but I do worry that voice over is overdone now and someone said as much in a review. What I do think is back in is 'to camera' in the mode of Miranda. I can see that being a very controversial comment...

I liked Sean, but I think he could show a bit more bile during the 'session'. I can assure you that the things that go through my head during meetings are all without exception entirely unbroadcastable. I think his critique of his boss is accurate observation, but not quite as full of vim and venom as I would like.

In terms of areas to work on, I think this piece I would leave the story as is, but maybe for the next one it would be better if there was a bit more of story. For example, if in this story he was working up to asking Rachael out and then the reprimand came in as an obstacle that led to his eventual frustration, that would have been (to my mind) a stronger story. As it is, the story is gradual anticlimax, which while true to life, might work better on TV as a sudden anticlimax.

Hope this helps

Kindest regards

H