The Guardians

"Angelina, is wondering if she’s an orphaned teenager." I'm not sure what you're wanting to say, here - but you may wish to consider saying it more dynamically. And, just as a technical point "is ... (wonder)ing" is not the active present tense used in effective professional screenwriting. As a passive, observational form it separates the reader from the action rather than immerses him/her in it. 2) "an orphaned teenager" - how could she be in doubt? What would make her wonder? Have her parents been killed - more information, please. "As hope drains away day by day, "she’s using" her special abilities" - what "special abilities" - how / why does she use them "to scour the darkest corners of the world for her missing parents". - this begins to be intriguing - but maybe what you're trying to say with "orphaned teenager" is convoluted. And "darkest corners of the world" - is a tad melodramatic: does this relate to the genre (I don't think so)? Also see: "creeping plague". "of the criminal network" - do you mean "a" criminal network. Aided by her friends and by the ghosts of her dead relatives, she uncovers the global reach of the criminal “Network” and fights to halt the creeping plague of corruption that ultimately threatens everyone’s freedom. You have two stories here - Angelina looking for her parents and (an implied story / development) her fighting / putting an end to a global criminal network. ["Network" need not be in quotes as you've notated it - it's a common enough word in this context). You've given her special powers - but how does this help her? A better starting point for you might be: "When a teenager with special powers tries to find her missing parents, Angelina ... " 2) Looking at this submission from the perspective of a reader the main question is: "what's the story?!" Why should I be interested in the characters and the many pages of your submission if you haven't hooked me with a story ? Reading Angelina's character the second paragraph is overwhelming - the over-writing results in a melodramatic rather than a dynamic effect. It didn't encourage me to read more because I was more aware of wading through the prose rather that of reading it. Just a minor tip - if you want to create a page-turner, don't put a footer at the bottom of your pages. It obstructs the reading flow. However, without a story here, that a producer is excited enough to tell, why would he read this submission?