Murderwood

Hi Laurence, My first review (of anything!) on here, so please forgive anything unforgivable. Er, yeah. So a few catches first, just to get the negatives out of the way... Haegur's speech on p2 - the apes will not see you, I swear it. I found "I swear it" a bit overdone. Too formal/powerful for the context. Works just as well without it. Love the epithet "apes" for humankind though. Immediately offensive and undeniably accurate - perfect. Publican on p4 - God, they make my skin crawl. They should round them up. Overuse of they/them popped me out of the moment. I'd try something like "Makes my skin crawl. They should be rounded up." P8 I think there's a "Bundy's" missing from "Haegur reaches to grab shirt". From then on though, I sunk into the script and didn't spot much else beyond the odd typo (mainly liaise/liaison). Even though the general idea of a "portal area" has been done before (cf Buffy), I still found this fresh, especially the occasions when the portals were used - very well realised. The Faer characters have very believable and well thought out names, but personally I would adopt a more formal style for their dialogue - something simple and traditional like avoiding contractions - but maybe that's just me. Overall I loved it, and the first script definitely leaves me wanting to read - and see - more. Cheers John