Eldritch - Immersive Writing Lab entry

This was quite an engaging story. Although I have issues with the urban element (just ‘cause I’m not a fan of Buffy/ urban vampire genres), the elaborate detail is what makes it quite an interesting read. The timeline back story was interesting to read, I like the twist in the Biblical characters. It reminded me of Paradise Lost. I like the switch of Gabriel being the bad guy. I don’t know how I feel about the modern day setting though. Kevin Smith’s Dogma dealt with similar films and that didn’t work for me. There was a lot of characters and things going on, maybe too much. I get that this is the core of a TV series. Immersive seem to be asking for a very detailed and character filled story world. And you have definitely succeeded in that, but I wonder if having too many characters and plots could be too convoluted. The ancillary media elements that Immersive have asked for, you have the best that I have seen in this competition. This is the strongest part of your treatment for me, viral websites and Wikipedia pages. Very detailed and well thought out. I think the biggest issue is the Pseudo-Religious elements, specifically the references to Jesus, and use of the 3 Judeo-Christian faiths. The idea that these religions are being used by angels to manipulate mankind, I think investors and broadcasters would be very nervous about how the public will view that. Also the inclusion of Jesus death as part of the plot, arguably the most controversial subject matter on the planet, would make them more nervous. I think if you win this competition, the producers would be keen in dumbing down these elements. An enjoyable read. Well done.