Hit And Run

I’ll start with this; first slug is a bit weird ‘INT’ then outside bathroom? Would this not be INT – HALL/LANDING or something? Then you introduce Becky and say she’s in the bathroom? As we are outside we wouldn’t know who was in there. You also tell us about her character, I’m not keen on this in scripts as I was always told ‘show not tell’. I like to find out about a characters traits through the story. You have two identical slugs following each other, you could simply write LATER. Leah passes Becky’s car at the lights and Becky drives away, then moments later she skids and crashes into Leah? This doesn’t make sense to me because she would surely have driven away from Leah. Also she talks to someone on the phone called Leah, is this just a coincidence? Becky feels pain in her stomach after the crash. If she only just found out she was pregnant and clearly isn’t showing, I doubt she would feel any pain as the baby would only be a matter of weeks old. This is an interesting concept. You have two families with clearly different values and this is good but it’s a bit rushed at the moment. I’m not saying this was awful, which you might think from my comments but it needs some work for me. Build your characters more, the story seems too short for a dramatic and moving story. I didn’t get the chance to feel anything for them.