I have just laughed out loud this is hilarious, i love some of your dialogue 'the limp' made me laugh, in some places however you could make the dialogue as natural as this part- like the part where she says 'right i need the toilet' perhaps you could make this flow more naturally like she really, really needs to get to a toilet, but totally love this it's so funny and you can totally imagine it being acted out, that's literally my only advice though make some parts as natural as you've done in others, some of the one liners are actually laugh out loud funny
Thanks for your feedback it means a lot that you found it funny :-). I will take your advice and make it as natural as possible when I do the second part.
I really really appreciate your feedback! :-)