Because Today We're Remembering Grass
Strong elements that could come together better
I think you have a lot of good pieces to a story here. The emotion from the father and the excitement of the chase really come through nicely, but overall the story seems a little disjointed.
I think you would benefit from devoting more time to the father/son story in the first few pages of the script. Half of the script is the man chasing the hoodlum, which in my opinion devalues the significance of the ipod as a story device, and makes the screenplay feel unbalanced. The ipod was set up to represent the boy, and I think you accomplished that by intertwining the other music/piano elements, but there wasn't enough. If you give us a little more about this broken family-- the man, the boy, Marie; and how important music/piano/the ipod were in their lives, it would have a greater impact when the ipod is stolen. Then you could achieve better balance leaving the chase as a 3rd act, even if it's only a couple pages.
Overall the writing was strong, but you did have a couple typos throughout. I think you could also use more descriptive action in your opening scene-- I realize the dialogue is all VO, but what are we supposed to be seeing?
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