Let me say from the off that I am well aware that I am an older generation and not the target audience for this. That said, I believe a script should be easily read by anyone and I found this a bit of a struggle and quite confusing in places, due to all the flashbacks. The dialogue is 'street' and as someone who lived for many years in South London I can vouch for its authenticity. It definitely rings true. However, I felt at times that there was a 'street' overlap between the narrative and the dialogue which muddied the flow. I did feel you captured Will's arrogance and don't-give-a-toss attitude very well, especially in the end scenes and I could feel Sharon's pain and confusion, as well as sadness. I found it hard to distinguish between the male characters though - they were all the same-ish with no distinguishing voice. And, yes, I accept that they all talk street. However there needs to be some little individual trait to distinguish one from the other. This piece has potential, but still needs work. There are quite a few typos and formatting flaws, which makes it look unprofessional. However, with a bit of reworking and polishing you're good to go. Thank you for putting it on here and keep up the good work!
Click to load more