Peirene Press Short Story Competiton
Loved the detail and there are some great lines that really rang true for me - I have felt many of these things myself. I didn't feel the tone lacked authenticity or integrity in any way.
But I do think the story needs more lyrical treatment in many places. At present, it is a mix of factual observations and beautiful writing. At an earlier stage where the writer is still transforming personal experiences into a completed work of art.
It's nearly there already.
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