Peirene Press Short Story Competiton

Loved the detail and there are some great lines that really rang true for me - I have felt many of these things myself. I didn't feel the tone lacked authenticity or integrity in any way. But I do think the story needs more lyrical treatment in many places. At present, it is a mix of factual observations and beautiful writing. At an earlier stage where the writer is still transforming personal experiences into a completed work of art. It's nearly there already.