The Truth About Dating Episode 1
Hi. Finally managed to get round to reading this.I liked it, I liked the character very much but the screenplay itself needs minor polishing. Mostly typos, missed full stops etc, nothing to major. It's worth double checking but I think the V.O. should follow the character name.The majority of the voice overs are great. Very, very funny. Just one of them seemed a tad repeatative."I must end this...But I must break... "- Make it more relaxed. "I gotta get outta here and fast. But gently does it." or something a bit more creative like that :)"...She's going to eat me" - brilliant.I enjoyed the dream sequences, well placed with good content but I would lose the second one in the restaurant. It doesn't really fit in with the scene. Maybe just show another of Johns instead.Very funny, particuarly the bit where he and Tracey are doing the nasty and that cat jumps up. I would lose the voice over on the bit or shorten it to "Fuck off, Kitty."INT. NIGHT TRACEYS BEDROOMINT. TRACEY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (only change this is if there is a difference. Otherwise once is enough until we are shown a scene in the morning or flashback etc)Make sure you introduce the mother (MOTHER, AGE).Over all I liked it and enjoyed it very much. I will read on to the second episode. The characters voice overs are hilarious and the character and premise works well.The only major issue is that the episode doesn't seem to feel like it's ended. This is going to sound astrange the way I'm explaining it but bear with me because my brain has gone into melt down. But it feels like there should be more, an additional scene. Maybe it's just me but it a short concluding scene would just round it up nicely.
A very enjoyable read. :)
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