thankyou so much for the awesome, insightful and very constructive review - you have made excellent, valid points and ones which I will use as a template for a much stronger piece of rewriting. The points you make on perspective have given me great ideas for really taking the story forward and to look at it from a very different angle. It will be, in essence, a redraft and rewrite - from Mocko and Carol's POV - they each see both different and similar aspects of Denny's character and I want to explore that. the re-write/revamp will also serve, in some part, as both prequel and followup - offering a chance to see why Denny became who he was and also what happens to him during and after prison. Your efforts and view are so very much appreciated and i feel that it will take not only this piece but future work onto better levels.
Hi H, shame you've taken it down, but I'll certainly look forward to reading the next chunk when you upload it. Mention of those films makes it sound all the more intriguing!
And thanks for the pointer about the font, duly changed! Regards, Sam