Samantha McGarry
Write shorts and feature-length pieces, seeking to unravel the humour and unusualness hidden in every-day life. Always glad to hear my work described as quirky.
Gender female
Conversations
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ekofox
- 2012-02-12 21:23:29
- Sam, thankyou so much for the awesome, insightful and very constructive review - you have made excellent, valid points and ones which I will use as a template for a much stronger piece of rewriting. The points you make on perspective have given me great ideas for really taking the story forward and to look at it from a very different angle. It will be, in essence, a redraft and rewrite - from Mocko and Carol's POV - they each see both different and similar aspects of Denny's character and I want to explore that. the re-write/revamp will also serve, in some part, as both prequel and followup - offering a chance to see why Denny became who he was and also what happens to him during and after prison. Your efforts and view are so very much appreciated and i feel that it will take not only this piece but future work onto better levels. Mark
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Samantha McGarry
- 2012-02-12 20:33:23
- Hi H, shame you've taken it down, but I'll certainly look forward to reading the next chunk when you upload it. Mention of those films makes it sound all the more intriguing! And thanks for the pointer about the font, duly changed! Regards, Sam
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hisashikarazu
- 2012-02-12 20:05:15
- I had a brief look at Hunger before you posted this review, and I was just going to give it the skip because to be entirely honest - and this is going to sound a bit lame but, the font hurts my eyes. Seriously, it goes squiggly when I look at it. You couldn't just change it to courier and reload could you? Then I'd be more than happy to reciprocate. Cheers H
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hisashikarazu
- 2012-02-12 20:03:39
- Hi Samantha, Thank you for the review. I agree about the dialogue entirely. The first draft is up to page 90 now and some of the dialogue is good, some so-so, and some lamentable. I've pulled the project onto draft on the site and will re-write and reload. As for the POV - I'm very glad you asked that. The story is primarily told from Anja Dedov's POV though sometimes it follows her lover Sam Faulkner. I should probably make this more consistent, though now I think about it - it is oddly similar to the first terminator movie in this regard. Though I very much had Cape Fear and other Count of Monte Cristo movies (V for Vendetta, Old Boy etc) in mind.
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Samantha McGarry