A couple of moments that would work very well on screen - the image of these men drinking their cocktails being a particular favourite. You have a good sense of what would make an audience laugh.
I thought the end was a bit of a let-down though. I was expecting something unexpected - a bit of a surprise or a twist but it never came and it didn't quite live up to the build-up.
Thanks for the feedback David. Yeah the ending to this has been a real struggle with several different versions (including a Scooby Doo ending). I think I'm at the stage now where it's time to let it go, move on and try not to make the same mistake again. Cheers!