It Hurts When I Do This

Not bad,

by Dawn Chapman

Character

Dialogue

Concept

Writing Style

Hi there, I read this and thought is was a great little short. Some tiny pointers for you would be to get rid of the 'ing' words and also some 'ly' words. 'sitting' should be sits etc It would help tidy it all up a bit more and keep the script as fast as possible. All in all though I really liked it, I didn't think the ending was too dark. But I had hoped he wasn't pulling her leg again. Good stuff. Dawn

Conversations

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  • shoepie

  • 2011-09-23 14:55:17
  • Thanks SunnyD. I did remove a lot of ing words after a previous reviewer commented. Although with fresh eyes I can see I missed a few. Ah, the script changed since my dark ending comment. Previously he didn't wake up and the audience were left wondering, but some reviewers suggested it might appear that he died! Which would have been a bit harsh. Thanks again!