I read on some of the reviews here that this ending is darker and you might not like it? Remember, the worst thing a writer can do is to address every single note they're given until they lose sight of what they loved about their project in the beginning. The key is first figuring out if the note is a good note or a bad note (sometimes it's tough to tell) and then finding what's at the root of the note(s) and going from there.
That said ... here are MY notes (ha!).
This is a cute set up and you have some engaging characters. Everyone can identify with someone who has a crush on their doctor/lawyer/anyone who's unable to date their client/patient etc. So that is all great and works well.
My biggest issues are the comedy (but this is a taste thing). I love a lot of this, but then it tends to go too far with the prostrate exam (I'm not a prude about that, it just seems like if I'm crushing on a girl I wouldn't ever admit to medical conditions that would require that level of examination). There might be funnier more grounded ways to go about that. But again, that's just a taste thing.
The ending though, left me feeling a bit unsatisfied. Both her reaction to the news and his faking another injury. It fits with the tone and the concept -- I'm just wondering if you can't dig a little deeper and find a more satisfying conclusion. That doesn't mean they have to end up together ... but something about the current ending just left me wanting more. I apologize for the vagueness of that note, but based on your response I think you feel the same way?
Anyway, nice work with this!
Haha thanks for your notes too Greg. Yeah I feel pretty much the same way, I loved the set-up but I never really had an ending I liked. I felt Tim needed to get his comeuppence. Now that I'm not restricted by the competition requirements I might write a new draft where we find out she did quite like him until he screwed up. Would love your thoughts on my new short 'The Best Men'.