What hampers this for me, despite it being an entertaining read, is that it is essentially a series of sketches based on the clever char, and that it is not conceived as a film.Tat could be remedies somewhat in more attention were paid to setting up the scenes. For example, there is no visual intro to the opening that a professional reader would expect from a professional script. The characters aren't; properly logged - there is no character detail, only physical detail - nothing a bout what they are like as individuals. A professional reader's hear may begin to sink at this point, anticipating another script that relies on the dialogue; a director might be hesitant because there is nothing for him to do but set up the camera - there is little feeling of a story 'world' . When editors talk about 'good writing' is is things like that that they mean - not the fact that you might have a good story. So you might want to be a little more detailed in how you are setting up your reader to like your writing. This now needs to be taken to a more professional level. Good luck - and good writing.
Thanks for the review. I had a quick look at the way you format scripts and... I liked it. I'm not sure it's a level of descriptive detail I'd want to go into for a silly short like this but I will definitely think about it more for bigger projects. You know this business better than I do but I'd still disagree on including character detail in the script. If the dialog is successfully written in their 'voice' then you shouldn't have to say 'this person's character is X'. Oh and I'm from a sketch writing background, trying to learn story writing so good catch on that ;) Will leave a proper review on one of your pieces shortly. Cheers.