Courtship

Thanks for letting me read! Forgive me with my notes as I tend to ramble. And remember they're just one man's opinion so feel free to take them or leave them. You have an interesting script here. It's a familiar office sitcom setting and you work your characters well. You have several laugh out loud funny lines and interesting characters -- but the old fashioned (and improper) formatting was highly distracting. It hurts your read. Additionally, the lack of structure really hurts it as well. The biggest problem though is the length of your scenes. You open with a 10 page scene in one location. That's death in TV. In TV, especially network, if you have a scene that's over 3 pages it's usually a red flag. There are exceptions of course -- but those are almost always found in dramas and hour longs, not in sitcom half hours. Here you have one 10 page scene and one 13 page scene. That's 23 pages of a 35 page script that are spent on just two scenes ... that's a problem and speaks to your structure. With no act breaks in this script it makes it even more difficult to figure out this show's pacing. At times it reads like a Gilmore Girls' script in that it reads FAST (which is great). But there really isn't a lot that actually happens in the script. In fact, I'd argue that the entire 35 page script is really just your tease and act 1. There's so much fat you can trim here and condense it that you could take these 35 pages and make them 12-15 rock solid, kick ass pages. This is a good start, and I don't want to see you give up on it. I think there's a lot of good stuff in here, right now it's just buried under the clutter. Thanks!