Whoa !! Need to get a playwriting software or set the Word tabs more correctly. In a spec-script (and I assume that is what you are writing), leave out camera and camera angles, cut to, etc., etc. That comes later. Although the script you use "to be sat." It correctly would be, "is sitting", "Sits," not, "to be sat." Revealing David Sitting . . . Need to rework first speech of David. par. should be under first speech of David. Don't think you need the additional par. in the speech, they only confuse. Hate to ask but, just how do they "enjoy," their time on the bench??
Do we see documentary crew? if so, you need some
direction/action lines. Leave out Jump Cut to Berlin Wall. How does audience know this is the Berlin Wall? SUPER IN/OUT ?? 1970, or some other way?Describe "silent-film like dialogue". What is that? Don't understand Esther & insert - what is happening here, don't understand action line? What is "dialogue insert." Don't know the term. p.3 Birkett "is" sitting. p.3 Is David still in the scene?, or (O.S) ? Take me "to" the park.
For your characters, make sure you give enough physical description so that the reader knows them. "Don't speak" end of p.5, expand before flashback to explain. p6 first flashback is okay, second flashback should be - CONTNUOUS. You are in same flashback. Multiple flashbacks may turn out to be confusing to reader and film crew. Watch top of p.7, page # should be first before anything else, and DAVID from bottom p.6 to top of p.7.
Is p.7 INT LIVING ROOM same as p.3 INT. LIVING ROOM? If so you should RETURN TO SCENE after DAVID "bastard" and drop int. living room. Again on p.8 at top. Again p.7-p.8 Flashback - return to scene afterwards. p.8 "and I pulled." (what?) Also p.9 at top, DIRECTOR from p.8 to p.9, same p.10 at top. DAVID from p.9 to p.10. p.10, I think? this is return to scene but I don't know.
Interesting idea, needs a lot of cleaning up.