Duty Bound?

Hi tomfoollery. I quite enjoyed this story. I thought the twist at the end was very good. Throughout the story you mention both the Sergeant and Gary's dad, which I thoguht was two people. I did think the Sergeant was mentioned too much at first and wondered why, but all became apparent when we find out he is Gary's dad. As I read through the story, I made some notes: 'Survival is instinctive dad.' Gary had... - 'Survival is instinctive, Dad,' Gary had... I would have liked to know more about Gary's decent - I felt it was over too quickly and could have been developed a little to give more of a sense of fear, pain, etc. ...idea of the drop. Gary started... - ...the drop, Gary... 'Hold it mate.' he whispered... - ...mate,' he... ...into it's shoulder holster... - (its) ...okay then.' Gary had suggested... - ...then,' Gary... ...sergeant Murray.' he whispered... - ...Murray,' he... I hope this helps and I wish you luck with your writing. Wisa.