The formatting style is not what I was expecting but if the competition readers are happy with it then who am I to suggest you change it, but it was uneasy on the eye.
There is some attention needed to your spelling, grammar and punctuation.
The opening location and action scene was good, quite atmospheric, in fact all your action scenes were quite good and were the strongest point of your piece.
Your character introductions are nonexistent, I’d like to know some basic information about each one.
The dialogue was sparse but seemed to help confuse the plot rather than carry it along.
The story itself was a little lame and too simplistic, the premise itself may have some mileage but for a pilot I’m afraid you haven’t done justice to it at all.
Good luck with it in the competition.
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