I really liked this piece. It is a fantastic idea and a lot of your prose is high quality stuff. There were a few little things I thought could be better expressed, the most poignant being when she takes 2 seconds to decide whether or not to go with him...it m ight be better if you say something like, 'your brain starts to make a list of pros and cons while you blurt out a yes'.
Generally though, I thought the ending needs the most work. It all seems to be leading somewhere, and then sort of tails off at the end. I definitely think something very dramatic or absurd should happen in the final paragraph!
Thanks Jack! I really like "your brain starts to make a list of pros and cons while you blurt out a yes"
Might steal it, hehe.
And yes, I know. I agree the ending is lacking. I've struggled with it. Thanks for the review!